Change Your Life By Showing Up For Yourself

Showing up for yourself is one of the most important things you can ever do. It can put fire behind what your actions, help you be more consistent and cultivate self love and self respect. But also, what does showing up for yourself even mean?

Have you heard this before? “All you have to do is show up” or “thank yourself for showing up today”. I got the essence of it, mostly when it pertained to going to a yoga class. But when you apply it to your life at large, I don’t think I ever thought of it in that scope. But if you can make that shift, it’s quite powerful.

Showing up for yourself is making you and your needs a priority. Taking care of all your needs; physical, mental, social, emotional and relational. It is self respect, caring for yourself and intentionally being in charge of your life

So let’s think of it like this; you want certain things for life – to be healthy, have money in the bank, have kids, great friendships, vacations and some dogs, for instance.

Now this is what you are doing to get those things;

• eating healthy foods mixed with takeout and quick meals, inconsistently exercising, staying up late, not valuing sleep and not really paying attention to those choices.
• saving a bit of money but not with a clear plan, impulse spending
• dreaming of having kids ‘one day’ but haven’t talked about a plan
• you have friends, some of them you devote more time to then others, you cancel on plans, you think of them but don’t tell them
• you want to travel more but just haven’t planned anything or made a budget. Or you’ve made a plan without a budget
• dogs are awesome. No idea what’s involved in that.

So maybe some of these are you? You think of these great things you’d love to have in your life but don’t make a plan. They will just happen at some point right? The problem is, if you don’t make decisions, plans or set a goal, they might not. Or they will impulsively in an otherwise not entirely beneficial way. You don’t want to jump into buying a house or going on vacation without any budget or savings, digging yourself into debt. Because the other problem with impulses is because you haven’t thought the decision through, there can be unpleasant surprises. We’ve all done it and paid the consequence. And that’s part of learning. But remember that learning and apply it to the future. Don’t just keep doing it.

So let’s talk about how you can change some of these things and then what showing up for yourself looks like.

What to do differently

So let’s talk about what showing up for yourself would look like for some of these examples.

1. To be healthy. If one of your goals is to be healthy you will have to figure out what that means and then shape your habits to create that. So to me being healthy means I’m generally eating nourishing food, I’m moving my body, sleeping enough, drinking lots of water and taking care of my body. So my habits might include:
   • Meal planning and choosing to buy, eat and cook foods that are nourishing.
   • I commit to exercise or movement everyday. Could be a walk, stretching, HIIT, strength training, whatever helps me feel strong, mobile and energized.
   • Go to bed around the same time and wake up around the same time. Have a sleep routine that gives me 7-8 hours of sleep a night.
   • Drink water throughout the day, so I am getting 2-3L a day.
   • I’m flossing, brushing my teeth, washing my face, showering, brushing my hair and wearing clean clothes.
2. Save money for big purchases. Big purchases require thought and planning. For example, maybe you want to have a wedding. The average wedding in Canada costs $29,450, which is a lot!
   • So let’s say you get engaged and you want to get married a year later. You’ll need to save over $2400 a month or go into debt.
   • You don’t want to do that, so you now can think intentionally about your choices and what is going to mean the most for the kind of life you want to build. Maybe you have a cheaper wedding, invite less people or get married in 2 years.
   • What’s important is that you are planning and looking at your decisions through a lens of intention. What is the best choice that takes care of you and future you.
3. Strong friendships. Having the right people around you has a huge impact on your life. You want those relationships to be positive, reciprocal and meaningful. Are you choosing to keep people close that contribute to your growth and wellbeing? And are you also contributing back?
   • Showing up for yourself means you aren’t going to tolerate being treated in a way that disrespects you. You aren’t going to give away yourself at your expense. You are choosing to share your energy with those you love and who give back to you.
   • Relationships also require maintenance. Do you hold the people in your life with care or take them for granted?

Now for some of you these may seem basic, and that’s because you already have those habits. But for others, they don’t or they have struggles we don’t know about, like depression, which make these things really hard to do. So what showing up might look like one day could be different to the next but the intention behind the action is there and you are choosing something positive. Even tiny steps are beneficial because they add up.

So onto action, here are some ways you can start to practice this habit in your life.

5 Ways to Show Up for Yourself

1. Follow through on what you say you’re going to do

When you tell yourself you’re going to do something, then do it. Build trust and confidence in yourself, prove that you can follow through on your plans and dreams. This requires a bit of a mindset shift sometimes. For instance, when it comes to exercise you can think “I have to exercise” or you can think “I get to exercise”. Remember taking care of yourself and following through are gifts that you deserve. Build self love and connect to what you want for your life. Part of building that is making intentional choices and showing up each day to take part in it.

2. Take care of yourself.

You are worthy of care. These are the basics. As a post from @annamathur said – basic acts of self respect. Drink water, wash your face, floss, eat nourishing food, stretch your body, rest enough. As she says, do these tiny acts until basic care isn’t so revolutionary. You are worthy of these things. I know it’s easy to push them aside, especially as a mama. But make it a priority. Show up for you, so you are able to build an amazing life, not just get by.

3. Say ‘no’ when you need to.

Boundaries are necessary and important. You will just give yourself away without them. You must say ‘no’ when saying ‘yes’ would get in the way of you doing what you need to build your life, take care of yourself and protect your time for what matters most. It’s saying yes to you.

4. Challenge yourself

You aren’t doing yourself any favours when you never push yourself to grow. Growth doesn’t happen without friction. And I’m willing to bet that what you want most is on the other side of that challenge. Think of the things you desire for your life – they all likely require some hard work, struggle or figuring out. But you can do it. Showing up means saying you trust yourself to try and keeping showing up. And these challenges don’t need to be huge, remember tiny gains. You can start by committing to floss your teeth, read a book before bed over t.v. and eat a nourishing breakfast. Or just one of those things! But please, choose you and start today.

5. Start choosing your life.

The world will tell you what is important or what you should do if you don’t figure it out for yourself. Part of showing up is defining what is most important to you and choosing what you want. Then saying no to everything that isn’t that – even if you want to do some of those things. 

Elizabeth Gilbert said it.

“Long ago, when I was struggling to become a writer, a wise older woman once said to me, “What are you willing to give up, in order to have the life you keep saying you want?”

I said, “You’re right — I really need to start learning how to say no to things I don’t want to do.”

She corrected me: “No, it’s much harder than that. You need to learn how start saying no to things you DO want to do, with the recognition that you have only one life, and you don’t have time and energy for everything.” 

Showing up for yourself isn’t always easy but it’s worth it and you deserve it. Time will pass regardless of whether you’re conscious of that time or not. So spend it intentionally, choosing how you live your life.