Doesn’t life constantly feel full of things that are grabbing for our time, energy and focus? Which is why it is such a challenge to keep our focus where it matters. One because a lot of us don’t actually know what that is. And two, if we do, we struggle to prioritize it and actually focus on it.
It goes without saying, focus is challenging. Parenthood is full of demands, cognitive overload and a lot less time for stillness and getting centred. We’re trying to prioritize AND actually recognize what matters while making dinner, juggling laundry and keeping the running mental list going.
So many balls in the air, so is our focus landing on what we want or what is keeping us busy? Understanding what matters to you and developing the practice of prioritizing is essential to maintaining focus. If everything is important, than nothing is.
Crossing things off a list feels good. It help us to feel productive but is it actually getting you closer to what you REALLY want? Likely no.
So how do we do it?
1. Ask yourself what you want
Do you know what you want? Have you stopped to envision what an amazing life looks like to you? You need to spend some time thinking deeply about these questions. Write it down, go for a walk and ask it again. Without becoming crystal clear on that, it’s difficult to know where to focus.
This task takes some work because you don’t just want your first answers; house, kids, vacations. You want to do DEEP. It means showing up for yourself. It involves trying things out, deciding what you think is important, following it and perhaps changing course. It will mean choosing something over others. But it also will bring you closer to who you really are. Which is the ultimate goal, discovering ourselves and what we want out of this beautiful life.
2. Where have you placed value?
Where have you spent the most time, energy and money in your life? That is where you are currently placing value.
Now you can compare that list with what you decided you want and see where things line up and where they don’t. This helps to keep your focus where it matters.
Spent a lot on clothes, coffee on the go and home decor but want to be taking a pottery class? Sometimes we feel like we can’t afford things we actually can when we realign our focus and get clear on what we’ve been prioritizing.
When you can think in terms of where your energy goes in a day or a week, it’s easier to recognize what you’re valuing. Examining where you’ve spent money and how often you’re spending that money on those things, your choices become clearer. And when you can map out how your time is spent, you can’t ignore how you’re living.
So really do this exercise and make that list of what you want and then make the changes necessary to start living in alignment with your values + dreams.
“And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!” And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.”
Iain s. thomas
3. Eliminate what doesn’t line up
This step can be challenging, especially if you are a people pleaser, because it involves saying ‘no’.
That ‘no’ isn’t always to others though. Some of those ‘no’s’ are to ourselves. Which can also feel equally uncomfortable.
If you are used to having a daily coffee from the café, it can feel like deprivation to not get that little treat. But here’s the thing, it’s not. We have to make choices in life. Having it all isn’t a thing, there will always be decisions for us to make so we can hone in on what matters to us most. Without making those decisions, we aren’t being intentional, we’re just falling prey to our impulses and immediate desires. Without allowing ourselves the opportunity to cultivate something over the long term. To decide “I want this so much” and be willing to prioritize it above other things.
So flip the way you think about it. Focusing where it matters means we get the opportunity to do that.
Another great area to grow our decisiveness, prioritizing and intentionality is with decluttering.
The act of decluttering and removing the things that don’t align with our future desires also allows us to get face to face with our choices and make decisions about what matters to us now. So clear that space, let go of past decisions and make room for what you want now and going forward. Which leads right into number four!
4. Start doing
So now that you’ve gotten clear on what you want, understood where you’ve placed value and eliminated the things in the way – it’s time to take action! Action in the direction of what you want.
Perhaps this means getting up a little earlier each day so you have time to exercise or pack a healthy lunch. It could be not watching t.v. in the evenings because you’re prioritizing sleep and time for reading instead.
Maybe it’s signing up for that class or making that phone. There is discomfort built into growth but remember you’ve survived all the other uncomfortable things in your life. You can do what’s necessary, you’re so capable.
Remind yourself everyday, you’re taking those small, consistent steps to build what you want and focus where it matters.
5. Practice gratitude
And finally, although we set our sights on the future and what we want that we don’t have, it’s important to feel good now as well. Happiness isn’t a constant, no feelings are. But cultivating a practice of gratitude helps you to find joy, beauty and meaning in everything. It allows you to appreciate where you are, what you have and that carries forward.
Because remember, life is 50/50, good and bad. And it will be the same in the future, so it’s important to build practices that help us weather the ups and downs. If we can’t appreciate life now, we won’t then. And this is by far the simplest, most powerful practice I have ever come across.
In minutes, even seconds, a day we can notice, appreciate and feel the goodness of all that life has to offer. We can root ourselves in the present while keeping our eyes on the future. Developing this kind of thinking builds resilience, helps us enjoy the journey and is necessary to help feel the goodness of what we choose as most important.
It’s yours
It’s very easy to let our attention get diverted, everyday, by things that ‘need’ to get done. And it can feel like there is no time, energy or money for the things we want. Taking the time to figure out what you want and recognize how you spend your resources is a simple way to empower yourself.
Your life is yours. It’s yours to create, live and build how you want and part of that is choosing to put your focus on what matters to you.
So make sure at the top of that list for you is taking steps towards what you really want and eliminating what you don’t.
